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eyrial
- June 30th, 20:41
Well I guess this is time just to say a couple of things but there's one thing I really wanna concentrate on. Ever since I was a little kid I really wanted a best friend, you know one that you can always turn to, that no matter what happens it will never be awkward and your friendship will always recover. I've kinda had that a couple of times but not really, as a matter of fact I suffered from it a little bit when my two closest friends left school and I had a few months of being completely lonely cause everyone hated me, mainly cause one of those friends was absolutely horrible (I didn't like her either that sounds so horrible but she really was really hateful.) I've always clung to this idea and a few times I've thought I've had it and most of the time they don't hugely care about me, you end up just getting hurt.
Now I do finally have everything I wanted, you know she honestly means so much to me (I get jealous it's really bad :S) and you know a lot of the time you just end up feeling like you don't deserve them, yeah I'm such a hypocrite and I take stuff out on her when I really shouldn't and I do feel awful bout it like seconds after I've done it. When I get in bad moods I piss her off deliberately for no reason (yes everyone reading this is thinking jeez her best friend puts up with a lot and well yeah she does and it just makes me more grateful) but yeah she honestly means the world to me. Everytime I get angry with her, everytime I get hurt cause I expect too much and cause I'm being stupid, I realise how I rely on her, I would honestly miss her like a hole in the head if she left.
Everytime your upset tell me, I swear I'll do all I can to make everything better again, to make you happy. If I upset you or if I'm acting like a complete twat tell me and I'll try and get better. Never ever worry bout me not being there for you cause I swear whatever it is I'll do my best, I'll help you through anything, talk to me before you do anything drastic. I know you don't but if you do, I'll never judge you and never leave you (in a non lesbian way :P) for it, it will just make me try all the harder to make you happy so you never have to.